By Fellow Initiate Chang, Ho Bei Province, Mainland China

　In the early days of initiation, fellow initiate Hsa had often reminded me in a humorous and soft-spoken manner, "We are still in childhood. How could it be possible that we do not listen to Mother's teachings?

　Before initiation, I was just like a child. I cried everyday asking Master Mommy to come quickly to give me the initiation. Day after day, month after month, I yearned like mad with tears that would never dry up. So, on the day that I got initiated, the excitement could hardly be described in words. I thought, "Well, the greatest thing in my whole life has been accomplished! I felt so elated that I started to feel proud. There was only one thought in my mind, "I am now initiated, enlightened. I am a saint! The sense of pride was so great that I could not control myself.

　With my heart still full of pride, I suddenly realized, when I went home to meditate, that I had totally forgotten the Holy Names! I was in shock and tried hard to remember. I could remember nothing. Because of the pride, ego, and that I wanted to save my face, I did not want to ask other fellow practitioners even though I did not know them. I pretended to be calm. Fortunately, Master Mommy had not abandoned me, the proud and naughty child. During one of the meetings with fellow practitioners, brother Tong was concerned and asked me, "Are you able to recite the Holy Names well? Oh, with this one sentence, Master Mommy broke the dilemma of my wanting to save my face! I was immediately liberated from the difficulty with pride. I changed and expressed my difficulties in a sincere and humble manner. Instantly, I got help from the enthusiastic fellow practitioners.

　After initiation, the practice was rather ordinary with not as many experiences compared to before initiation. There was not much progress. Why? Before initiation, everything seemed so smooth. After initiation, I got into trouble all the time. Why? After thinking for a while, the words of fellow initiate Hsa rang in my ears, "We are still in childhood! Her words ring a bell in my mind. Yes, before initiation, I was very eager for the Truth. I listened honestly to Master Mommy's teachings. Everyday, I received humbly the blessings from Her. Therefore, everything went very smoothly.

　After initiation, when the habits of the ego and pride emerged, I forgot Master Mommy. I forgot that on the spiritual path I was still a child before Her. I thought that I was practicing pretty well. Besides, after initiation, I only thought that everything was already okay for me! This selfishness that was hiding deeply in my heart was also a source of pride. Although Master Mommy had repeatedly reminded us to have a loving heart, I did not placed it in the heart and wanted to shut myself up to practice, "When I am full, I don't want to be bothered by other's dying of hunger. With such a selfish attitude, how could one make progress on the path? These problems always put me in a difficult position and obstructed the progress of my practice.

　However, the most compassionate and most loving Master Mommy has never abandoned me. She is always protecting me silently so that I would not drift off too far on the wrong path. She had also warned me in a concerned manner through the aphorism, "If we are very selfish, if we do not mind others dying of hunger when we are full, or if we always tend towards those negative and dark qualities, we, of course, have to know that we are still very far from the Buddha and Bodhisattvas.

　Oh, the most beloved and respected Master Mommy! I could not possibly leave You! Before You, I am always a child. No matter in which corner of the universe I will be, I do not want to leave Your embrace.

The Love From Heaven Is There Any Humiliation To Endure? The Ego And Pride Are The Greatest Obstacles On The Spiritual Path