Fire!

This is a true story. In England there was a high official who hired a servant to attend to him. In those days, only people who had power and wealth could smoke. The rest did not even know what tobacco was.

The servant came for the first time and saw the official sitting by the stove smoking. This servant was from the countryside and had never seen anyone smoking before. When he saw smoke coming out from his master's nose and mouth (audience laughs), he thought that there was a fire. He was about to serve his master some tea but when he saw the situation, he poured the tea up his master's nose (audience laughs), and cried out aloud, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" (audience laughs)

Yes! It's really silly! Only machines have smoke coming out of them. How can smoke come out of people? Isn't it so? It looks so funny! And he thought he was great, belonging to the upper class.

It's strange. People are normally clean, good looking and don't smell. How can smoke come out from their noses? It's so unattractive on the street. No wonder the servant thought that there was a fire and poured the tea into his master's nostrils. Ah! It looks funny too, like a chimney, doesn't it? Or like a train. Trains also have smoke coming out at the front, and at the rear (audience laughs). Yes! Come to think of it, it is strange!

It is good that after you met me, you cleaned and tidied up yourselves, and removed the "chimneys". Otherwise, it is really strange. A person looks nice, how can smoke keep coming out of his nose? Can you imagine? Right? (Audience: Yes.) Don't you think it's strange? Especially some very beautiful ladies who wear those classy kinds of clothes, very similar to the ones I design, and walk in an elegant way, but emit smoke from their noses. (audience laughs) Can you imagine? How come this is so? They must have been fooled by the Maya power to become this way. They don't know that they look terrible. Yes!

Also, there are some very handsome men who wear very trendy clothes and do their hair nicely, but their noses, and sometimes their mouths as well, also emit smoke. Even so, they become accustomed to it. Among the beings on Earth, all the beings that can move, none have smoke coming out of their noses in the way that some of us humans do. Even so, those people accept it! And they think that they are great, looking like a train, like an old fashioned train that goes "choo, choo, choo, choo!" Smoke comes out at both the front and rear of it. (audience laughs)

Sometimes I find humans amusing. They don't know that they are funny, and think that the way they act is high class. In the old days only the people who were close to the kings or who were royalty could "emit smoke". They spent so much money, but damaged their health, as well as that of their families and neighbours, and still thought that it was good. Some of the people in this world are cheated very badly! Isn't it so? Truly they are completely fooled! Perhaps it might have something to do with the conditions in hell, which they were used to! It is colder up here and since there wasn't any fire, they continued to make some fire, to remind them of how warm it was when they were in hell. But don't mention this to people outside! (audience laughs) The most you can say is, "Oh! You look like a train!" (audience laughs) You must not say too much. They would feel sad, and maybe accuse you of violating their "human rights." I warn you!

How are human rights related to smoking? No one has the right to damage other people's health. Isn't it so? Some people make everything connected with human rights. They could say that their human rights were being abused if they were not allowed to smoke. (Master and everyone laugh) These people are really tedious. They are the ones who abuse people's human rights, aren't they? They smoke out of fun, or out of addiction. Then they harm many people around them, including children, pregnant women and the elderly. Sometimes, they smoke a lot in the plane, and the people who are not well, especially the elderly, not being used to the smell of smoke, would feel sick or become ill!

Like my chimney, it was built not that long ago, but it is now darkened. It is very, very dark. Can you imagine what is it like inside your windpipe? Smoking every day, with smoke going in and coming out, and then it is completely darkened inside! When we practice, we have to be clean. Smoke and ash build up inside, and we cannot clean it up. A chimney can be swept with a brush. How can a windpipe be swept? Do you understand? It would be very troublesome. (audience laughs)
 

Who Is The Laziest? Fire!