It
seems to me that every person has a dream as a child. My dream seems to be
like a fairy tale, but it has always been this way. I wished for a place where
people could trust each other, where people were able to smile and say hello
to anyone and get a smile back, where people didn't lock their doors and always
stayed happy. Well for me, I actually saw this dream become a reality recently
at the Florida "retreat". To know why this means so much to me,
there is my past to understand as well. I have been practicing for six years
now and was initiated when I was 11 years old. At that time, I was really
sincere and took everything extremely seriously.
About three years ago, I
was in a car accident during the winter and the car flipped over twice. Thanks
to Master my entire family was saved without sustaining any serious injuries
except for me, because I wasn't wearing a seat belt at the time. From that
day on, I have had serious problems with my back and have not been able to
meditate very well, and from there I seemed to have moved farther away from
meditating. My belief in God was brought down by wondering how Hes could allow
this to happen to me. I began not to worry about my spiritual development
anymore, although my parents kept telling me how important it was. It just
seemed that the more people mentioned spirituality, the more I moved further
away from it, questioning what physical proof there was.
A few months ago, I had a
talk with one of my friends who is extremely religious and I questioned her
about the same thing . What she told me made me realize a lot more than I
expected to learn from a 17 year old. She told me that the Master or scriptures
can only cultivate your beliefs to a certain point, but at that point one
must take the leap of faith into the unknown if one wants to believe what
is there. She said that you must not only trust the Master but you must be
able to trust yourself to get through your doubts. Well, when I came to the
Florida "retreat" I walked around and things felt very good, with
everyone working as a group helping each other as a true "family".
The love I sensed from everyone had a great power over all the other feelings
that I had at the time. The disciples were able to accept one another and
gave a helping hand wherever needed.
During the first night at
the campfire, I met someone who had driven across the country to get initiated
but because of some complications, missed the initiation. As I was talking
to him, it occurred to me that at one time I was as sincere as he was and
I began to question myself about why I hadn't kept on meditating after the
accident. Was it really because of my back or was it because I had begun to
get lazy and used it as an excuse. I felt as if Master had given me a test
of faith, as to the leap of faith and I had failed it. Those at my campfire
and I kept telling him that if Master comes by he should ask about his situation;
and when Master did come by, he immediately asked if he could get a late initiation.
With Master's caring heart, She said, "Of course you can; it's New Years,
anything can happen." With these few words I looked at his face as it
suddenly burst with happiness.
From this experience alone
I felt it was worth every moment I had spent there, but there was more. As
I sat there with people I had never even met before, it felt like I had known
them for the longest time and I had spent my life with them. It felt like
we were really a family of Master's children. As the night went on, more questions
arose in my mind and I began to think about what I was doing to myself, denying
how important my spirituality was. Things in that Utopia just felt so right,
and every single detail felt good in my eyes.
I had recently moved from
a place where I lived almost all my life, and when I left there, it felt as
if the whole world around me had crumbled and that I had to start over again.
I never thought anything could surpass that feeling of sadness, yet when the
day came that I had to leave this Utopia, I was sadder than anything in the
world, leaving a place and people I had only known for a few short days. I
didn't only feel love for one person at that retreat, but I felt love for
all of Master's children. I had learned that coming to my Utopia wasn't just
having fun and meeting friends, but it was Master calling me back, giving
me a second chance to come back. I have never had such feelings inside of
me, and I just wished that not only the people there felt the same as I did,
but everyone around the world understood how I felt about Master's undying
love for each and every one of Her children.
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