You know what? I have to do everything alone now: I wash my clothes, I pay my bills, and I came here alone, so why not you? We have to do things alone sometimes. If other people can help us in any way, it's fine and good. But if we don't have them, we don't have them. It's good to be independent, depending on the situation. Sometimes I'm very, very busy. I cry sometimes, to tell you the truth, because I'm too busy and I have to take care of all the domestic things. I think it's not fair. But it's okay. I cry and then I get up and go back to work. (Master laughs) It's okay to cry, but then go back to work. There's no escape.

Sometimes it's good to have people help you, but they bring other problems as well. There're always problems. If you work alone, you have problems, and if you have other people to help you, you have problems. The bus can get lost, explode, or... anything.

Yesterday, one man who drives my car lost the cap that you use to close the gas tank, and we drove that way with the tank full of gas. It was dangerous. I smelled gas all the time, and I thought it was because it was a new tank of gas, so I didn't mention anything. After we drove here I still smelled it, so I said, "What's wrong?" He knew it all the time, but he didn't tell me. He told someone else. Then that person didn't even tell me. So I said, Oh, that's funny. This is a new car, how come it's leaking? So I asked someone to check it, and they said, "Master, the gas cap is lost." I said, "How do you know?" He said, "He told, told, told me." (Laughter) I said, "Why, why, why didn't you tell, tell, tell me?" He could have killed us. That's the problem.

When you make a mistake, admit it. It's better than making a bigger mistake. But most of us are like that. We try to cover it up and then make a bigger problem. A car can explode. It's dangerous when gas is spilling out of the tank. But God blesses the stupid ones like me, the working woman, the busy woman.

Don't Dream That More Helpers Are Better

Sometimes we dream, we think, "If we had ten more persons helping, wouldn't it be nicer?" But it wouldn't. It has some other problems. Like in my house, or the place where I stay, if I stay alone, I have to do a lot of things. I have to clean the house, I have to wash, I have to pay the bills, I have to go and collect and send the mail. Do everything alone, just like you do at home. If I have a maid or an attendant, they do this for me; but then I also don't have privacy. I have to take care of them, too. Then they ask me things and they demand my attention. They don't feel satisfied being neglected. When I'm busy or something like that, I find their faces are longer than usual. (Laughter) When I'm under pressure and I answer questions shorter than normal, then I find their faces get longer. The shorter my answer, the longer their faces, for example. (Laughter) Then that doesn't digest quickly. It takes half a day, or a day or so to calm down the situation, and then everything is peaceful and quiet until the next thing happens. They make a mess or something, and then we have trouble again, just like in your marriages.

So just now you asked me to marry. I don't think it's a good idea, but I'll try. (Laughter) I'll try again. Don't worry about it. Whatever you suggest, I'll try it. Or else I won't know if it's good or not. Then I can tell you. It's really not a good idea. I'm just too independent; I'm too busy.

I'm too independent in my thinking. I'm really deep in my thinking, most of the time. I do things, but I do them dividedly, like I do this thing here, and I think of some other things there. At the same time, I have to think of many things. Men, or spouses, they don't like that. Even women, you want your partner all for yourself, your very self, very great self. You don't like that.

I'm too busy. Even before I was busy, I always found something to do, something more useful for other people. I don't know. Maybe I was born that way. Maybe I'm supposed to be that way. I can't change it. It's not a good idea to get married. Can I try again? (Master and all laugh)

Yes, a lot of us need to have company, but a lot of us don't. To have company is fun, very nice, and you feel comfortable, you feel not so lonely. But then you have a lot of responsibility for this and that person. They tend to imagine a lot of things. Sometimes you're just under pressure and you say something; and you don't mean anything by it, you don't mean anything bad, but they think it's bad. They imagine it's bad, and then they make a lot of trouble for you. They might not say anything, but their faces are very long, and the atmosphere is very thick, you can cut it with a knife. You just feel choked, and you can't even argue, because there's nothing to argue about, there's not even any reason to fight with each other or to argue verbally. There's nothing. But you just can't breathe. You haven't had this experience? (Audience: Yes)

To Be Alone Is A Rare Privilege

So, let me tell you. If you go it alone; you go it alone, and if you have company, you have company. There's no need to try to change things too much. Take it as it is. When you can find company, enjoy it. When you cannot, it's a privilege to be alone, because company you can always find. Really, it's very easy. People are always around us. It's very difficult to be alone.

If God happens to make you to be alone like me, then thank Hirm. It's a privilege. It's a rare, rare opportunity to be yourself and to go inside and have a look at what you have inside, until nothing's left. You feel free. But then you have to do a lot of things that you hate. Now I hate domestic stuff. I don't really hate it; it's just that you don't have the desire to do that anymore. It's something you grow out of. Like when you were young, you liked toys. When you grow up, you're not satisfied with toys anymore. It's the same with me. I'm not satisfied with domestic work anymore. But it's okay. I try to organize.

Q: Master, You're not supposed to do all the worldly things.

M: I'm not supposed to do all the worldly things? But I do them. I have to. There's no choice, sometimes.

Q: We should be able to help You.

M: No. Sometimes you want to help but you make more trouble, you show your emotions, and you expect a lot from me. You don't know it now, but you will. You will when you're around me. You expect a lot of things, so many stupid things.

Just yesterday, the man who drives my car asked me, "Master, should we stop and put some gas in the car now?" He's the driver and he asks me many funny things. I answer with a hand okay signal like this, and he's still not satisfied. He asks so that I have to talk to him. I say, "Why are you asking me? You're the driver." You do what you have to do. I couldn't even see the meter whether it was empty or full. I said, "Okay, then go fill the tank." He said, "Oh no, but we still have enough to make it up to our house. I said "Then why are you asking me?" Then later he thought about it and he said, "Okay, but we can't go out tomorrow if we don't fill the tank."

You see, all these kinds of nonsensical things. I was trying to think of what to do, because the time was so short, where to put you, how to make you comfortable and all that, and he just asked me all these kinds of things. He's the driver. Aren't drivers supposed to know what to do? If I'm not there, doesn't he know what to do? It's not the first time he has driven a car. All of you drive a car better than I do.

You will bother me. Even the things you can do, you'll still want to come around and catch my attention just for the sake of it. There are many things I can't tell you. Suppose I tell you, "This is nice," the thing you're doing is correct, is wonderful, then you love it. And if I say, "No, no, that's wrong. Don't do it again next time," you won't like it. And I can't not tell you that I'm not satisfied with that. If I tell you, you're not happy. That's the problem; because when you're with me a long time, you know my habits and what I need, and then you think you know everything already. Then you expect that I'll never ever tell you again that you're wrong. Your ego gets hurt, and sometimes it's very difficult to digest things for yourself and for me because I have other things to do besides trying to comfort your emotions and nurse your ego. I have other things to do, but you expect a lot of things from me when you help me. That's what people do.

Expectations Of Others Creates Problems

It's the same with a marriage and relationship. We expect the partner to be this, to be that, to do that, to do this, and when they don't act like the one that we like, we're disappointed, get hurt, and want to get out of the relationship. But the relationship is not meant for you to expect the other person to do what you want, but to do what you want yourself, to show what you are, how good you are, how you want to be in that relationship; what kind of person you want to be in that relationship, in the marriage. You want to be a good wife, a super wife, a tolerant one, a faithful one, or what you want to be in your role, not to expect from your husband all the time what he's going to be, how he's going to act toward you, how he's going to talk to you. But that's the problem with marriage. You get it all wrong.

You think, "Okay, now that I've met him, now that I've met her, my life will change. It will be fantastic. He or she is going to make me happy." It's not true. You are going to make yourself happy or not in that relationship. But most of the time we expect the other partner to make us happy, to be the one that we like in our picture, and that's the problem. We forget to be what we want to be. We forget to make a schedule for ourselves, make an idealistic kind of agenda for ourselves. And we make an agenda for our partner. We make a kind of appointment, a kind of picture for our partner to fit into. Both expect the same way and that's why things fall apart. We get it all wrong.

In whatever situation we're in, we have to check ourselves only. What are we going to do in this situation? What are we going to be? What do we want to show? Which part of goodness do we want to present to our partner or to the world? It's not that the other partner has to present us anything. Whatever he or she wants to present, that's their problem. Our problem is just ourselves, always us. But most people, when they are married, or when they have a partner or a friendship, they pay all their attention to the other half, and check it out: "Oh, he did it wrong." "She did it badly." or "She's no good. He's not nice." You forget that we have to check ourselves, that we are the ones who are important.

Any relationship, any situation is meant for us to learn, not for the other person. The other person is a catalyst only. It's an excuse for us to exercise our power, our imagination about ourselves. That's the problem. That's why marriages often don't work. So check out your marriage and revise it. It's not about your husband, about your wife, but about yourself, what kind of person you want to be, or to show him or her in this relationship. If he reacts well to it, fine, and if he or she doesn't react well to it, there's not much you can do about it. But just check yourself, if you're still balanced, if you're still on the right track, if you're okay or not okay. If he stays with you, he stays; if he leaves, he leaves. You can't do much. But you cannot put all your attention on him and then lose yourself and forget yourself. The more you pay attention to him or her, the more you go wrong; and the more he or she criticizes. Then it's finito. (Applause)

You just do what you want, what you feel is best for yourself. You're married to him, and now, check the list of what you want to do about yourself, what I'm going to be, what I'm going to offer him, what I'm going to be with him, how I'm going to react. It's about yourself, not about him.

Even if you tried to do 100%, you'd change completely into another person, it still wouldn't work, because he would expect something else. You never know what he or she would expect, because everyone is different anyhow. But the problem is that everyone gets into a friendship, a relationship, a courtship or marriage, trying to check out the other partner, whether he's doing good or bad, or trying to please the partner until you completely lose yourself. Then you feel very resentful, because you've lost yourself, because you're not yourself anymore. You feel bad and leave; or you're kaput, you fight, or you become bitter with each other. You don't change yourself; you don't lose yourself. You do whatever you think is best for you.

Imagine, I'm a faithful wife, that's what I want to be, and that's the best of me. Then be a faithful wife. But meanwhile, he might be faithful, and he might not. Don't get hurt. If he's not faithful like you, and if you still can tolerate it, stay; but if you can't, go. It's up to you. It's yourself that you have to care about and you have to control. Don't try to control the other party, and then you won't be so unhappy.

Be what you want to be, as long as you think it's best for yourself. Maybe it's not the best, but as long as in that situation you think the best is to be like that, to act like that, then do it. You still have to learn to reclaim yourself. You might make mistakes, but it's okay. There's no need to pray. You can pray if you want to. Say, "Master, let me know what is the best of myself that I want to bring out." That's it. Your partner sometimes tests you just to make you bring out the best in yourself. Sometimes he or she doesn't know that. You also don't know that you bring out the best in him, if he wants to recognize it that way. Most people just like to criticize the other partner and forget about themselves. When we forget ourselves, we're in trouble. We have to always be centered. It doesn't matter what other people say or do, we have to think of what we want to do.

For A Higher Purpose, We Endure Everything

Q: Master, please do whatever is good for You.

M: Oh, I can't. (Master laughs) I know what you want to say, but I'm in a different situation. Anyhow, I'm doing what is good for me. Well, what else can I do? I'm a Master. I have to be responsible for whatever I do, and that's the best for me. That's the highest thing I can imagine about myself. That's what I'm doing, and that's why I do it, even though I suffer and I have trouble. But that doesn't mean it's bad for me. Now you might have misunderstood.

Whatever is best for you doesn't mean it always makes you happy. It might make you happy, and it might not. I mean you have to look at the whole picture like, in the long run in the whole thing, are you really happy with it, with the outcome? You can't say, "Okay, I came here alone; I had to go by taxi; I got lost and all that; it's terrible. Yes it is. It's not pleasant. But it's for a higher purpose. So I don't mind enduring that. But I can't tell you that being a Master, every day I smile, every day is lovely, and everything goes well. Sometimes I don't sleep for many days. Sometimes I don't eat the whole day or for many days. Sometimes I endure a lot of pressure and headache. But it's for a higher purpose, a higher plan.

Just like when you build your house, during building, you have cement, you have dust, you have a mess, and you have people coming in and out. It's very dirty, messy, and you have to endure it for six months or a year. But when your house is finished, wasn't it worthwhile? You can't build a house without having trouble, without spending money, or without having to endure tests of patience and the demands of the building process. So I don't mean that when you choose something for the best for yourself you don't suffer. You might. But you have to look at the end result. Look at the whole picture. (Applause)