I
read a book today about the story of a French nun named Bernadette
and the detailed descriptions of her visions of Mother Mary. The vision
she saw did not claim to be Mother Mary; rather, it was a conclusion
later reached unanimously by other Christian countries.
Before
she first saw the vision, Bernadette suddenly heard the sound of the
wind. At the time, the weather was cold and people wore long shawls
and stockings to keep warm. Bernadette suffered from a chronic cough
that often gave her sleepless nights; she was physically weak and
sometimes out of breath. Therefore, her mother forbade her to go to
the other side of the river. However, when she saw others cross the
river, she too wanted to follow suit. As she took off one of her stockings,
she heard the sound of gusty winds but the trees nearby were still.
She thought she had not heard right and prepared to take off her other
stocking. Again, she heard the wind but did not see the trees move
or any other sign of it. There was a sudden movement in front of her
and she beheld a light. From within the light, a beautiful lady emerged
in great radiance. She looked very pretty, as Bernadette so described,
"Her face was so beautiful that after one look at her, one would die
willingly just to see her a second time!"
Bernadette's
family was not well-off. She often had to go hungry when they no longer
had any bread. Her family used to live within their means; however,
they had treated their customers too well and saw their profits dwindle
away as they gave away more than they earned. Nevertheless, the hospitable
family continued to serve every customer with cheese, bread and wine.
A growing imbalance in their accounts and increased losses drained
the family's wealth, leaving them without food at times.
Bernadette
was a sick child, her health deteriorating as she grew older because
the family could not afford her medicine. She did not attend school.
She had to work in order to help her parents make ends meet. However,
she had great faith in God and Mother Mary. She had not seen them,
but her faith was strong. Very often she felt ashamed of her illiteracy
and inability to be like other girls. According
to the Christian tradition, when children reach the age of twelve
or fifteen, they go to church beautifully dressed for a grand baptism
ceremony and become a formal Christian believer before the attendees.
Bernadette saw many girls her age going to church for the ceremony,
but she could not go because she did not know how to recite the verses.
She felt even more ashamed. Some people tried to teach her but she
seemed to be too dumb; she could not memorize a word even when she
had been taught two or three times. Feeling even more humbled, she
thought she was the most dumb and unworthy person. Little did she
know that it was for this humility of hers that God chose her to witness
Hiers manifestation in the form of Mother Mary, something that was
to make her name well-known throughout the world even today.
Some
of us have found the Master and a distinct path of spiritual practice,
yet we do not have the faith of those whom we consider dumb. Bernadette
had never seen a vision, and no one ever taught her anything; all
she had was faith, and God bestowed Hiers grace upon her. Therefore,
we should examine whether we have enough faith in our spiritual practice.
Bernadette had not seen anything, yet she had faith and was eager
to see it. Mother Mary had been her most beloved since childhood.
She would pray to Her when she was in trouble or hungry, or when her
family was in a predicament. She had immense faith even before she
perceived any vision. Sometimes even if we have seen a manifestation
of God, we do not yearn that much. Therefore, the Bible says, Blessed
are those who have not seen and yet have believed. This means that
God blesses those who have not seen but have great faith.
Sometimes
we practice a very good method and follow a good path, but our faith
is not strong enough. Subsequently, we make little progress in spiritual
practice. On the other hand, some people may have received initiation,
learned the method, and do not practice well probably because of their
exceedingly heavy karma or lack of time. They do not see much but
have faith. These are blessed people as well. We do not have to perceive
higher levels or brilliant light to be blessed. Our progress can be
measured by observing our life and faith. We might not have perceived
wonderful visions, but if we have a humble heart and pray piously
every day, God's grace will shine on us. Take Bernadette, for example,
she was not learned, and no one ever told her who God is; she just
prayed consistently.
Eighteen
times she went to the spot where Mother Mary appeared to her, and
eighteen times she saw Mother Mary. On one occasion, two persons went
with her, but the vision whom we call Mother Mary told Bernadette
that her companions were not allowed into the cave; they could only
wait outside. Why were they barred outside? The book did not say.
Perhaps their faith was not strong enough, or their aura was impure.
Don't think that the saints do not discriminate. Sometimes they might
accept certain people and reject others. Why? It is because people
are different in their levels of attainment. To receive God's grace,
we do not necessarily have to be learned, or to demonstrate our sincerity
in certain ways. But we must be perfectly pure at heart. Since
childhood, Bernadette had been subject to rigorous tests in the form
of hunger, poverty, contempt by others, and lack of knowledge. She
suffered constant repression from both people and circumstance. Most
likely she no longer felt attachment for the world. Every time she
fell ill, she felt the world was ephemeral. Unlike the superficial
feelings we have, she realized profoundly that there was nothing to
keep her in this ephemeral world. That was why her soul was so clean
and pure, and she could remain undistracted and enter samadhi so easily.
After a brief prayer, she could just close
her eyes and go into samadhi. Though no one taught her to do so, she
always prayed with her eyes closed, which is a form of meditation.
When we close our eyes, direct our hearts inward, and concentrate
our thoughts toward divinity, we call it "meditation!"
Many
people behold visions when they pray. Of course, some are illusions,
which are different from visions. Visions like what Bernadette perceived
were real because she became very humble, happy and wise. Once ignorant,
she changed completely after her encounter with the so-called Mother
Mary. She became very fluent in speech and debate, answering people
with words of great wisdom despite her former ignorance. Though humble,
she carried herself with a dignity that made her a different person
altogether. Sometimes, at the end of her
communication with Mother Mary, she would stand up and tell everyone,
"You should repent, repent, repent!" She spoke like a priest or nun
who had practiced for a long time. Her confident and dignified bearing
was uncommon in a young girl of fifteen or sixteen. She had never
learned to behave in this way. She saw the vision eighteen times,
which was proof enough that it was not an illusion or a state of being
possessed.
I
am not saying that Bernadette experienced the highest vision; I am
citing her story just to let you know why some people experience spiritual
visions and samadhi while others do not. An extremely pure person,
she had had no possessions since childhood. All she had was the agonizing
torment of illness, which gave her little time to think of worldly
things. That is why I sometimes say, "To be ill is to be blessed."
Illness makes us a little more compassionate and sympathetic toward
others. It is then that it comes to mind how we have failed to extend
kindness to those in suffering.
Many
great spiritual practitioners come from a very humble background or
a very poor and miserable environment. A small number of people receive
some experience through sincere practice of asceticism. However, their
attainments do not come from such practice. It is the pain they suffer
in the process of their ascetic practice that awakens them to the
pains of life, touches their hearts, and increases their compassion
and mercy. When we are in pain, we deeply feel the pain of others.
Our hearts expand; we communicate with the wisdom and compassion deep
down in our hearts. Our attention turns inward so we get close to
our original Nature and receive some experience. I don't mean that
we have to punish ourselves to get it, but when we are in pain, our
hearts open up more. However, this depends
on the person; not every suffering soul is understanding. When some
people are in pain, they find ways to hurt others in order to get
something or to make themselves happy. Everyone is different. If we
understand this logic, we will find it easier to get close to God
when we are in pain. This applies to me as well. Sometimes I dare
not eat the good food that you bring, and I really don't want to accept
the big, expensive cars you offer. I have no desire for these things;
I fear that I might get used to this kind of luxurious life and forget
the people's suffering.
While
in this world, we should maintain a fair, open heart and a balanced
state of mind, free from prejudices and biases. If we, as spiritual
practitioners, do not have humility, sincerity and divine faith, it
is very difficult to receive an experience or to realize our sacred
Self. We are still on the outside, just like we are scratching our
itching foot with our socks on, which cannot relieve the itch within.
Therefore, many differences remain among spiritual practitioners.
They may have the same Master and have received the same experience
at the initiation, but they will become different after some time.
Each of them will go their own way and perceive different experiences,
depending on their faith. You might not have experienced higher visions
in meditation, have not seen much light or made much progress with
sound, but as long as you have faith, you will definitely have them,
sooner or later. If we are only keen about seeing visions and do not
maintain our faith, then it is not very safe. Anything that strengthens
our faith is good for us. Therefore, do not talk too much about inner
experiences. Most people boast and want the whole world to know when
they have a tiny bit of experience. Sooner or later, they become possessed.
I have warned you of this long ago.
There
is a story about a person who claimed that if he could have a lot
of land, he would fear not even the devil. He desired for land because
he was a farmer. He was still a little afraid of the devil because
he did not have enough land then. Unfortunately, the devil overheard
his arrogant statement and quickly terminated him. It was just for
that tiny bit of arrogance. Sometimes we take pride in our beautiful
clothes, or when we put on perfume, we enjoy it and feel arrogant;
the devil can detect all these. There is
another Chinese story about a monk (Master Wuda of the Tang dynasty)
who had been a great monk for ten lifetimes. Unfortunately, he was
arrogant just once, and that was enough to produce an ulcer on his
leg. It is by no means easy to maintain a balanced heart in this world,
so please be very cautious. Take care!