While On The Path

By Resident Disciple Hillary, Hsihu, Formosa

When I first began pursuing spiritual practice, I read the Chinese edition of "Silent Tears" but did not find anything special about it. It did not rhyme, neither was it elegant in style, and it carried no profound meaning. I wondered, "Can these be called poems?"

Two or three years later, a brother initiate confessed how he always cried when reading "Silent Tears," because each paragraph of the book fully described the feelings he experienced during the course of his spiritual journey. I also heard that many fellow practitioners liked to read "Silent Tears" before meditation so they could go into samadhi more quickly while feeling touched. I picked up "Silent Tears" again and flipped through it, trying to feel what the author had experienced. However, I still could not squeeze any feelings out of myself, nor could I find anything special about it.

According to the brother initiate, each paragraph of "Silent Tears" described a part of our spiritual journey and the book covered the entire journey from the initial stages right up to the level of complete enlightenment. I was puzzled, "Why was it that other people understood it and were touched by it? Why was I not the least moved by it? Maybe my spiritual level isn't high enough." With such thoughts, I closed the book feeling bored, and seldom read it after that.

I practiced in a muddled-headed way for some more years. Meanwhile, many things happened in my life and I learned the most difficult lessons. When I felt confused and depressed about the limitations, imperfections and ephemeral nature of my mental and physical capacities, and hence truly started to understand and longing for the Supreme Truth, by chance I opened "Silent Tears" and read it again. I found then that it described all the arrogance, ignorance, attachment, setbacks and struggles that I had encountered on my spiritual path as well as my longing for the Truth. Well! At that moment, I truly and completely admired Master from the depths of my heart, for She was able to clearly and appropriately describe every stage of spiritual practice with a few simple words. Her humorous, free and lively style was indeed beyond compare.

Now, I am in love with "Silent Tears," because it can calm my restless and whimsical mind and increase my inward concentration when I meditate. From this book, I also understand that I still have a long way to go in my spiritual practice, but now that I know where I am headed, I do not struggle anymore.