Some time ago I was lucky enough to be able to follow Master's invitation to Hsihu Center to join a retreat and stay a little longer. Two sleepless nights because of the long journey, the time difference and the hot and damp climate, which I was not accustomed to, gave me quite a hard time. The first evening, Master spoiled us with a barbecue-party and an invitation of the "Westerners" to come to Her "kitchen". But whatever good happened, I could not help the feeling that Master was not aware of me and did not love me. She seemed to throw glances, words, sweets and fruits to everyone but me. I felt so helpless and ungrateful and unable to enjoy Her presence, that I did not like myself and didn't want to disturb Master with my confusion.

　Then, amidst my worries, She came to help me with a precious gift. I was meditating on the sound when I realized that I could hear an unusually clear and beautiful sound. I switched to meditating on the light, but realized at once that the sound did not disappear but became even louder. I could not tell if it came from the outside and filled me or came from me and filled the whole environment. It was of an unknown melody, depth and beauty; and seemed to be carrying and swaying me. Next to my meditation place the kitchen was being renovated, but even the most shrilling drill, saw and hammering could not disturb my terrific sound experience. I was determined to allow only Master to stop that cheering feeling. So I sat about one hour and was swayed and comforted and elevated by the inner sound until She came to lecture.

　Ever since this event, I felt changed. The question of whether Master is aware of my presence or not did not arise anymore, because I was so happy and grateful to see and hear Her. My strange thoughts before, about how I should be and what I should do to be "right," disappeared. I just did what came to me -- a little gardening, washing rice pots and translating -- and enjoyed the daily presence of a loving and most beautiful Master, the peaceful paradise-like atmosphere, delicious food and exotic fruits.

　Now that I do not worry anymore, I can experience the miracle of truly realizing Master and Her love.