Selected Questions and Answers
Effective
Emotional Management
—the Proper Release of Anger
Spoken by Supreme Master Ching Hai,
Tel Aviv, Israel, November 21, 1999 (Originally in English) DVD #671
Q: What can I do when I’m angry or hurt? How can I stop these feelings?
M: Don't stop them; don't stop your anger or hurt feelings. Just go through them quickly, with no resentment—and heal them afterwards. Anger, hurt and pain are natural feelings of the physical elements. It's just that you don't know how to handle anger; that’s the problem. It’s OK: If someone hurts you, of course you feel hurt. You’re not a wooden table! And when people provoke you unreasonably or you think that they provoke you, you’re bound to be angry.
That’s all right, but we must understand that by nature anger is not very constructive most of the time. So if you have to be angry, just get it over with. Don't try to suppress too much of your anger or you’ll become sick and feel crazy. Anger is a natural feeling; it's just that you shouldn't carry it too long or you'll drown yourself in it. That's no good for you or for the other party involved.
So get angry and talk. You don't have to be sarcastic or hurtful when you talk; just air your views and tell them that they made you angry because of whatever reason and you hope that in the future it doesn't happen again because you won’t tolerate it. Air your views, be finished and love each other again.
When we were young, most of us were taught that we shouldn’t show anger and hurt. And so we keep repressing them, thinking that they’re no good. But these are natural feelings within us; we can’t help it. So we can just let it be, but now we know the anger, its quality and its real face; we’re in control of it and we don't allow the anger to be our master. That's all. We just know, "OK, I’m angry because you hurt me." If someone hits you, you feel pain. That's natural. So just say it because sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding; you talk to the person and he has a chance to explain, saying, "No, I didn't mean it that way. I meant it this way." And then, either way it will be good. If the person didn't mean it, then you don't feel angry anymore. And if the person really did mean something bad, after he hears that you’re hurt, pained or angry, he’ll change because he understands. And that's good for both of you. Otherwise, we always end up saying, "You give me a headache,” “You’re a pain in the neck” or “You’re a pain in the somewhere else." (Laughter)
It's true. Anger suppressed can make you physically ill. So don't hurt yourself more by swallowing the poisonous anger within you. Spit it out, just in a proper way.
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Effective Emotional Management—the Proper Release of Anger
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